How to Shift Internally to Make the Best Decisions

Image shows the title of the article overlaid on an image of a person in a forest trying to decide between two paths: one dark and one light.

As a business owner, it's vital to make wise decisions. And this is something so few of us have confidence in. How do we know we're making a wise decision? A lot of my work is helping people process and come to a decision. Some might think the business coach has the answer, but actually, it's the process that has power. I'm going to spill the beans and tell you how to make good decisions all by yourself. (But I'll still be here if you need me <3)

Background: Internal Regulation

You have three internal states of regulation. You might be familiar with some of them. For our purposes, I'm going to call them "freeze", "fight/flight" and "wise-mind." You are probably familiar with being in these states even if you've not brought awareness to them before. It's often easiest to identify these states as felt experiences in the body. Thanks to the connection between mind and body, this also indicates a shift in mental state.

Freeze

When your body is clicked into a "freeze" gear, it prefers inaction as the solution to problems. Does your day feel overwhelming? In this state the answer is to not get out of bed, to doom-scroll social media, or binge-watch a TV show. Any of these behaviors could arise from any state of regulation. You've likely noticed the difference between binge-watching something because you love it, vs. doing so to check-out of life. I theorize that this is also the state of being that keeps people in jobs they don't love. It's the place of resignation. Your life could be better, but it feels safer or easier to stay put.

Fight/flight

"Fight/flight" mode prefers immediate action to solve problems. Sometimes this means facing the challenge head-on (i.e. fight.) Other times it means avoiding the problem or running away (i.e. flight.) Our culture celebrates this state of being. This is the state of folks who are in a job they don't love but are willing to *do* something to change it. Either work to make it better, or work to find another job.

Many entrepreneurs easily slip into this mode. If we *do* then we'll be safe. In this state of regulation "do-ing" has a fatal flaw. This state of regulation urges us to act now, without checking in with the wider picture. Blind action means we either fight a battle we don't actually want to be in at all or run away without ever moving towards something. This is action without measured strategy.

Wise-mind

"Wise-mind" is a state of being that may be unfamiliar to you, especially if you have trauma in your past. When in a "wise-mind" state, you find yourself content in the present moment. You seek connection and mutual benefit with others. And you have the peace of mind to take time to consider decisions. This can be a difficult state to have access to, and an even more difficult state to purposefully move into.

The Best Internal Regulation

It might seem like we should always be in the "wise-mind" state, but each state has its purpose. Evolution gave us "fight/flight" and "freeze" to navigate threats that endanger our survival. These days we don't have a lot of threats to our survival. And, to get stuff done, a little of that "fight/flight" energy is helpful.

The trouble comes in when we *perceive* a threat that is either not valid or not immediate. For most of our lives, we don't need to be in "fight/flight" or "freeze." In fact, our evolutionary advantage as humans is our "wise-mind." This is where we get our ability to connect and overcome adversity as a group. The more we can engage our "wise-mind", the better our lives will be.

What Does This Have to do with Running a Business?

Your "fight/flight" mind may fixate on "success," yet it's ineffective at getting there. Business success is actually achieved from heavy use of the "wise-mind." Good business decisions do not come from "fight/flight" nor "freeze." In fact, those two states can have disastrous consequences. Allow me to illustrate.

In the wake of the 2016 elections, I was in a state of shock. (And shock often equates to "freeze.") Every headline catapulted me into a state of "fight/flight." Shortly I'd hit a point of overwhelm, and retreat back into "freeze." This near-constant cycling between "fight/flight" and "freeze" made it impossible to access my "wise-mind." I was still meeting with clients and running my business. On the surface, everything looked fine. However, this state hobbled my internal capacity to zoom out or keep an eye on the long-term.

This culminated in a crisis point in early 2017. I realized my revenue that month would barely cover my business expenses. There would definitely not be enough to pay myself enough to live on. I'd been in "freeze" mode in my business for months, but now I was in a "fight/flight" panic. My internal world oscillated between both fight and flight. I questioned: was this business of mine all a terrible mistake? Should be looking for a job? No, wait, I love this work - I should be fighting for it! Time to HUSTLE HUSTLE HUSTLE!

"Fight/flight" was an improvement over "freeze" in that I had the impetus to do something. But an effective path was still eluding me. Luckily I surround myself with good people (including my therapist.) Through talking to them I returned to my "wise-mind." I realized that, yes, this was worth fighting for, but not in a blind panic. So I took calculated decisive steps to get my business out of "freeze" mode and back to smooth sailing. It did take some "fight/flight" type activity but in controlled and intentional spurts.

Learning to navigate these three ways of being is a journey and it takes practice. When the pandemic descended this past March, I definitely spent a spell in "freeze." And, thanks to my persistent practicing, it was a mere month before I was ready to return to my "wise-mind." While social distancing has hobbled my pace, my direction is ever forward. My progress is ever forward while navigating the changes that keep coming. My course definitely wasn't the plan I'd had in January of 2020, but it is progress nonetheless.

In life, there will always be things that knock us into a certain state of regulation. "Freeze," "fight/flight" and "wise-mind" are all valid responses to a circumstance. None of them is a poor reaction, and we can't avoid them all the time. We also can't stay in our favorite state all the time. Rather, the thing to work on is to learn how to move among the states with grace and use them to the full potential.

How to Practice?

A great starting point is to practice solo. Practice noticing your state of being. Merely naming it can be wildly informative. With time, you might come to find things that help you move into different states. As you learn you can begin utilizing those things to help you shift from "freeze" to action. You may even find you'll develop strategies that can help you access your "wise-mind."

Using other people is also a helpful tool. The "wise-mind" is hard-wired to our facial expressions and the parts of the brain that involve socialization and connection. Any time we engage with another person we are utilizing at least some of our "wise-mind" synapses. We use our "wise-mind" to read a person's facial expressions and empathize. Mere interaction with another person isn't an instant switch into "wise-mind." However, it can make it easier to remember or access your "wise-mind." Using engagement with people can be a powerful tool to help you learn to move into your "wise-mind."

Decision Making

Practicing your internal regulation will allow you to operate your business with an even keel. The next time you're facing a decision, consider your internal regulation. What does your body feel like? What emotions are you experiencing? If you're not already in your "wise-mind" can you move into it? Hold off on making a final decision until you've returned to your "wise-mind."

Having a problem connecting with your "wise-mind"? Coaching is a great resource! Book your single-session today!